The boy reveals an extremely detailed plan for how he will get away from a killer snail for the rest of his immortal life.

Here we are, back with another question in the vein of I never asked, but I sure am glad someone answered,

This time we have an absolutely absurd fantasy that’s so ridiculous, it’s actually too tricky to skip, and then we have the legend of a man who is taking on the challenge, who wrote an extremely detailed response to it, Which is equivalent to 1,000 words or approx. 5,400 characters, all in a single Reddit comment.


Yep, you read that right, this Redditor answered an AskReddit query that pitted a super intelligent snail and a human against each other, both immortal and both with a million dollars, except for one catch: the snail one. Man is in eternal pursuit, and if he touches them, they die.

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourself, this is going to be an incredible ride.

more info: reddit , Rooster Teeth

The Internet is Full of Amazingly Amazing Things, Including Fictional Things About Killer Snails


image credit: Dysanovic (not the actual photo… what did you expect?)

Originally popped up in a Rooster Teeth video, the fictional resurfaced on Reddit where it caught the attention of a particular Interneter.

image credit: u/andy316619

While AskReddit is a virtual place where people ask very mundane questions, whether fictional or not, every once in a while someone comes along with such an out-of-this-world question that it wouldn’t be a crime to at least give it some thought.


Reddit user u/Andy316619 posed a question that, thanks to some curious commenters we know was actually kinda borrowed a cock tooth video, asking people online to make fun of him and explain what his plan would be if he and a highly intelligent snail would both get a million dollars and become immortal, but enter a never-ending game of chase Due to which if the snail touches the human, then unfortunately the existence ends. The snail knows where they are at all times and slowly crawls towards them.

Yu/Dirkson took up the challenge of answering this question in as detailed a way as possible—using a thousand words and ridiculous specifics

image credit: u/dirkson

While almost everyone in the comments section suggested putting the snails in a jar or other container, or putting themselves in a bubble (or any other container), there was one commenter who stood by his extremely detailed plan.

Enter U/Dirkson, who comes up with a ridiculously elaborate plan to escape a snail killer for at least two hundred million years or more. bored panda Contacted Dirkson for an interview.



image credit: u/dirkson

In short, he suggests keeping an eye on it for a while at first, calling someone whom Dirkson trusts with his life, asking them to throw the snail into a metal box, wrapping it in tungsten. IS, hires a moving company to lock in molten iron to take it to a metals refinery, find a charter boat that will transport the resulting iron formation to the Mariana Trench, let it sink, then into space travel Using a Hela Tractor Beam to invest, unload and push Earth into a black hole. In short.

“It was a spontaneous ‘I have a few minutes’ sort of thing. I guess it took me about 30 minutes?” explained Dirkson. “I was amazed that it flew so well and annoyed that I had to hear a lot about it.”

image credit: u/dirkson

The plan is actually overly elaborate because it includes unnecessary details, which are necessary given the context, because of how much more gripping the story becomes.

“I’m sure it could be improved in a dozen ways,” Dirkson elaborated. “Honestly, basically no part of it Good The plan, it’s just a plan that sounds good if you don’t think too hard about it.”

Now, we’ve asked Durkson about the challenges of making this plan a reality, but he firmly reassures us that neither the plan, nor the snail are actually real: “Of course, the rumors that the plan is real are completely There is no snail in a shell at the bottom of the ocean. It’s not there. Don’t look.” We are with you, Mr. Durscon, it’s too good for a plan not to come true… [squints eyes],

image credit: u/dirkson

It immediately earned Dirkson 9,000 upvotes and more than 50 Reddit Awards, including Platinum and Gold. The AskReddit post got 40,400 upvotes, garnered over 10,000 comments and another 40+ awards buzz.

People online liked it, and the statistics show it, but it was also because of all the engagement. Some said outright that they loved it, while others began to discuss the idea, flaws, and genius of the plan.

Finally, we asked Dirkson if he had other crazy elaborate plans, and he had this to say: “No more complicated plans, sorry. Most of the other plans in my life are a lot simpler, though often a little bit. Weird ones – like Crazy Plan #3872, ‘Make My Own Soylent Option.’ By the way, that’s delicious. Or Crazy Plan #4265, ‘Build a set of alternating stairs in my attic’. Don’t hit me yet!”

You can see it in the original Reddit post HereBut before we go, let us know your thoughts on Dirkson’s grand plan to keep the immortal killer snail away in the comments section below!


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