The second episode of The Bachelor begins with Osher calling it “brave new world!”
To be honest, he’d be right if he kept his gray hair, but he’s gone blond again, so I beg to differ – it’s exactly the same, Osher.
Felix, Thomas, and Jed stand in front of him like the male version of the Charlie’s Angels, all doing their best to look serious. Osher preaches to them about love, like SkoMo preaching in church.
Then we move on to the bachelors, I mean the detectives who find out that there are more than one bachelors.
There are many dramatic words scattered around, such as “Stop” and “What just happened!”
It becomes clear that the ladies are tossing around with three names. However, Leah speaks directly into the camera and very deftly decides that three names should be brought out to eight men, and someone will give this woman a real crime podcast.
Detective Leah said: “So there are three, four, five, six, or even eight bachelors!” Yeah baby! I mean, absolutely not, but whatever.
Osher appears and announces that the three are bachelors! I was immediately upset that there was no continuation of the interview with Leah about the number of bachelors.
Everyone is courting like they didn’t just complain about it. You even hear the picaresque “Yeah, girls!” A nice gesture of female friendship before they start fighting over three average white men.
Thomas, Jed and Felix go outside to introduce themselves to the ladies – which means even more courtship. Somebody give these girls tiaras and sashes, they’re in full bachelorette party mode.
Krystal, who is the most captivating person on the show, calls Thomas “sensual”, I personally would choose the word “healthy”, but we are all different.
Tash, who looks like she should be the manager of the Kookai store, states that she wants to strip Jed. Meanwhile, Jed looks a little startled, clearly on the lookout for the next snake that dares to reject him.
Immediately, Osher pounces on Thomas and calls him the most “hardened” bachelor. What Thomas directly knows is the age blow. In response, Thomas compares himself to a bottle of wine – a very old lady on Facebook has nothing to do! So he doesn’t help himself.
Jed got a call too young and was told that he didn’t want to slow down, but wanted to settle down. It sounds exactly like a man who would tell you right before telling you that he doesn’t release labels, but you are very special to him too.
Osher realizes that all three bachelors are boring and decides to get the ball rolling and states to the ladies, “If you’re tired of men dragging you along, I’m glad to say it’s all over today!”
Osher, this is not true, these men are dating several women, this is about to become a bloodbath! Still the ladies revel; to be honest, girls are doing better – this kind of gullible thinking will lead you to fall into a trap.
The men then reveal that they have three Michael Hill style rings and everyone goes crazy. Wait until you have to send a photo of this ring in a group chat, girls, you will be fried!
Bella is the only one who is skeptical and wittily remarks: “I saw frozenyou are not destined to marry the man you just met! Great point Bella, remember how Khloe Kardashian married Lamar a few months later? Terrible idea.
Suddenly it was Jed’s time to shine, and the other two bachelors were gone, and Jed was walking around a room full of women.
Tash gives a speech about sharing toys, not boys, and is clearly going to be the villain of the season. Who’s to say to this gorgeous woman that she’s on a reality show where the whole premise is to share a boy?
Angela corners Jed and immediately mentions getting married, then she chats about her grandparents and Jed just puts in words like “mmm” and “bondage”. I desperately want him to try to reach out by asking her what her favorite Paramore song is, but he doesn’t fit that stereotype.
While the two calm down, the girls discover that Jed has made out with other ladies and Tash is unhappy. “Knowing that he kissed other girls doesn’t suit me,” she explains. Wait until they all figure out that his flirting idea is discussing his tattoos.
Tash then gathers a gaggle of girls and states that when she kisses someone, it means something. Everyone nods in agreement and then Tash gets bored and slowly walks up to Jed and kisses him in front of everyone. This is a power move! Everyone is confused and stressed.
Then we see Thomas in his room full of women and I would use the word “overloaded”. He is a mother at Christmas, trying to greet each guest and prepare dinner. Thomas clearly wants everyone to be happy, unlike Jed, who opened an unofficial kissing booth.
All the girls love him, and one girl even says: “He remembers what we talked about!” And the bar for men is on the ground.
But take the word out, because this whole situation has to do with Leah. Leah decides that Thomas is the love of her life and starts singing lyrics about him. She calls him her “superman” and “partner in crime” baby you need to save that for the anniversary Instagram post.
Thomas is completely infatuated with Leah and keeps saying that their 20 minute date changed his life, then Leah starts crying because she likes him so much. She also jokes that she has her heart up her sleeve even though she doesn’t wear sleeves – which of course she doesn’t, baby, that’s a bachelor, men wear suits and women almost dresses.
Finally, we get to Felix, the tallest and least believable. Why do these two things always go hand in hand? Felix is heaven and he states that he wants to find love but also have fun, which is why he treats the show like a real Tinder.
Tilly, with half of her chest exposed, is about to win and immediately corners the giant. Tilly tells Felix she can see their whole life together and he laughs but then realizes that she could kill him if he keeps laughing and then says she totally agrees!
Felix then kisses Tilly because, as he says, “I do what I want!” Well, Tilly too, she has half a chest.
Everyone is in complete alarm in response. Krystal runs out and that’s it, but given that he’s too busy kissing, he doesn’t notice. So she stands outside, takes a few deep breaths and waits for him to notice, and he doesn’t notice – so it was a total failure.
Back at the house, Ella starts crying and a masked producer appears and she chats about cheating on an ex and she says she needs to go home because Felix was making out with someone in front of her – that’s too much.
Jed suddenly appears and tries to talk to Felix about being more sensitive to other ladies, but Felix is in boy mode and states, “That’s what we’re here for! To get along with people.” Honey, did you miss Osher’s sermon? Really about love!
Felix returns to Tilly and gives her his jacket. Tilly asks about her family, he answers by kissing her instead. Then they get a blanket and it’s very much like a ninth sleepover and no one knows what to do!
After a very traumatic interaction, the bachelors reunite to take stock. Felix jokes about the hardships of being a communications king. Jed and Thomas laugh together but are clearly distressed and can someone just call him a jerk? Or will it break the bro code?
Osher goes to check on the girls and tries to act like this show is romantic and hasn’t turned into a party after year 10. He also drops the bomb that group dates are different this season and only the ladies who are invited to group dates are in danger of returning home because there are too many women on it and they have to go!
Half of the girls are invited to a group date, which is a pool party, and Leah worries that Thomas is using this as an excuse to get rid of her – her level of insecurity is very high.
Felix swings in the pool and Jed says he doesn’t take off his clothes and that’s too much.
The pool party only consists of Felix taking off his shirt and Thomas wanting to get romantically involved with Leah. Bella, my new favorite, says she loves a pool party because it includes three of her favorite meals: “Champagne, cock and oysters!” And the best part is that she doesn’t seem to make any effort to talk to men, devoting her time to drinking and eating.
Things get a little boring for a while, but then Tash and Jed disappear together and Tash talks about dating a former celebrity bachelor and goes all out: “I’m one of the guys!” She explains how she hates jealousy, which is funny because she just told all the girls how much she hates Jed kissing other girls. However, Jed eats it up and I get the feeling she could be Kourtney Kardashian for his poor Travis Barker.
Meanwhile, for no reason at all, after only three words to each other, Naomi and Felix meet by the pool.
Yuri gets angry and calls him “shallow!” And honestly, baby, yes.
Finally we arrived at the Rose Ceremony.
Three women come home that I’ve never seen in my life, and then Jed chooses Jasmine last, and she’s not happy about it, and it looks like she’s about to fall out with Tash.
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