Sit down and buckle up because Undergraduate Jess’ polygamous boyfriend Damien has turned up, and can the fragile ego of giant Bachelor Felix be able to handle it? Short answer: no.
Immediately, we see Jess dating her boyfriend Damien, they kiss and admit they missed each other. You know, the producer rubs his hands happily.
It is reduced to 24 hours, and the Bachelors Thomas and Felix are walking along the beach. Felix discusses his clan ladies and how he is getting more emotional. Felix is even wearing a shirt! Given that he treats his entire life as a wet t-shirt contest, that seems like a tall order.
Felix also understands that he that’s the reason he hasn’t been in a relationship for ages – baby, one session with a qualified therapist could tell you that.
Thomas enjoys watching Felix grow and says a lot of things you think your yoga teacher would say. I can only imagine that third bachelor Jed buys some fun graphic T-shirts from Jay Jays and doesn’t have time for a walk on the beach.
Osher shows up at the girls’ mansion and announces a new group date. The problem with group dates remains the same. Only about six girls get airtime, but about 43 women are invited. Osher drops the bomb that their best friend or family member from home will be joining them today and everyone is very excited except for Jess.
Jess is nervous because she invited her partner Damien. If they were in a typical open relationship it wouldn’t be so weird, but instead they are in an unusual relationship – it’s actually become clear that Jess is going to choose either Damien or Felix.
Jess manages his own hen-party show in the middle Bachelors. Naturally, she is tired and tense at the thought of the two men meeting.
Everyone talks about meeting their family members, but only so they have fresh blood to talk about the Jess/Felix/Damian love triangle. I would throw my sister out of the way so I could watch the interaction between Felix, Damian and Jess.
Jess keeps saying “I don’t want two partners at the end of this!” And look, I hate to say this, but then why did you go on a dating show when you have a boyfriend?
Jess begins to choke as soon as she sees Damien. The producers keep trying to switch to other girls, but no one cares. Even the fact that Leah tells her sister that she is in love with Thomas is not very interesting. Shut up, Damian is here!
Damian is devastated to learn that Jess might propose. He tells her that this makes him feel very “embarrassed because we didn’t break up”. Well, that’s the point. Jess tells him that it scares her too. But honey, you’ve been on this roller coaster and now everyone else is trapped.
Thomas, Jed, and Felix arrive, and Thomas flies in like a seaside grandmother in linen and waves gleefully.
Felix dies from stress. Felix and Damian meet and immediately Felix runs away because it’s too embarrassing. Jess acts very excited and pretends she didn’t fill out a long application to get here.
Everyone sits down for a dysfunctional family dinner. Damian and Felix start chatting and it’s terrible. Felix keeps telling Damian and Jess that this is all very “foreign” to him and, sir, it’s an open relationship that you didn’t go to live in China.
Finally, Alesya admits that she’s annoyed that the group date has turned into a Damian/Felix/Jess show. Alesya, one could complain more, but you are boring, so the producers were forced to take Damian out.
Damian tells the table that he only wants to be with one person. Why on earth did these two reveal their relationship? He tells everyone, “I want Jess to choose me.”
Felix says he’d like to be open enough to throw off the shackles of monogamy, and Damian notes that he’s already dating everyone.
Jess says he wants to have a monogamous relationship when he finds his man. She also says that she wants to contact Damian if she ends up with Felix. Felix asks if it will be sexy. And Jess doesn’t give him a firm answer. Felix is seething and everyone else is just confused.
Felix runs off for a strong drink. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with Jessica’s boyfriend?” he asks the producer. I guess the producer had to control himself and not yell back, “Take off your shirt and fight him, please!”
Damian corners Felix and asks what his intentions are with Jess. He tells Felix that he loves Jess and has been in love with her ever since they met. Felix is excited but tells Damian that he can also see a future with Jess. Where is Jess and why are two men pretending they can decide her future for her?
Damian tells him it’s cool – it’s not cool.
Jed’s band starts playing randomly and no one cares because it’s all about the love triangle of the century. Could he please shhh?
Finally, we move on to individual dates. Felix and Jess have a one-on-one date in a very dark room. Instead of decorative lighting, the producers abandoned lighting.
Felix tells Jess that Damian is in love with her. Jess tells him that Damian will be fine as long as she and Felix are together. Finally, Jess hints that she would prefer Felix to Damian – it’s all very messy.
Thomas and Jasmine go on a date to a waterfall and share a kiss. Jasmine tells him that she is a sexy person and Thomas tells her that he loves sex and serves the human. It’s cringing, but somehow still boring. I miss the time she fought Tash for Jed.
Jess cries to producer about Damian and how important he is to her! Damian seeks clarity with Jess. “Baby, why are you on a dating reality show if we love each other?” Okay, he doesn’t exactly say that, but that’s the point. Having decided nothing, they kiss goodbye, and both say that they love each other.
Krystal and Felix go on their solo date and Felix is too stressed out by Damian to focus and they struggle to talk.
The rose ceremony is again not an event. Jess refuses to give a coherent answer about what she will do with her relationship with Damian, but she is not going anywhere.
Jess gets a rose and some chick named Zara goes home.
Well, at least no one escaped in this episode.
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