If you’re a person who dates men, what’s the first thing that catches your eye in a potential suitor? Is it how they can make you laugh without even trying, how they surprise you with coffee or flowers for no reason other than to make you smile, how they never fail to ask you about your day and actually listen to how you’re feeling, or how they have an extremely large and expensive collection of sneakers in their closet that no one is allowed to touch? Chances are, it’s not the latter.
But for some reason, men often have a warped sense of what others actually find attractive and impressive. From bragging about being a workaholic to boasting about their video game skills, women on Reddit have recently been sharing the things men think will impress them that tend to have the opposite effect. Below, we’ve gathered a list of these unappealing tendencies, so be sure to upvote the ones that make your roll your eyes as well.
Keep reading to also find an interview with dating coach Hayley Quinn to hear her thoughts on the topic, and then, if you’re interested in checking out a KristenBellTattoos.com article discussing things men have no reason to feel insecure about when dating, you can find that right here!
To gain some insight on this topic from an expert, we reached out to UK-based dating coach Hayley Quinn, who was kind enough to have a chat with us about why it’s so common for men to say the wrong thing when trying to impress women. “One of the most common dating questions men might have is, ‘How do I impress her?’,” Hayley told KristenBellTattoos.com. “Men often enter into the world of dating believing that women need to do certain things to make women like them: Whether that’s having a witty story to share, taking her on the perfect date, or driving a fast car.”
“We are all consumers, and often the stories we are told through the media about what romance is all about, don’t tally up with people’s experience of it in real life,” she explained. “Ironically, trying to impress often comes across as try hard and insecure. If a guy’s tried to impress you in a way that’s had the opposite effect (provided he hasn’t said anything that’s inappropriate or offensive), try to look past that initial faux pas to his intention, which is often to build a connection with you.”
Talking about their skills in bed. Those who are good at things don’t need to brag about them.
But we can’t completely blame men for accidentally saying the wrong things, because none of us are immune to it. “Trying too hard, in the wrong ways, to impress someone isn’t just something heterosexual men do,” Hayley says. “We can all be guilty of wanting someone to like us so much that we’re no longer authentic with them. If you’re a woman dating a man, be mindful of when you also might be going into ‘performance mode’. Are you spending too much time trying to show him why he should choose you, instead of experiencing the relationship and also working out if he’s good for you?”
Being an “expert” on anything and everything, while simultaneously never admitting they don’t know something.
Just admit when you don’t know something! I won’t think less of you! Quite the contrary.
When it comes to things men can do or say that might actually impress women, Hayley says, “Often the most impressive qualities are candor and authenticity. Rather than hiding behind overly elaborate gestures, or a chat up line you’ve been rehearsing, share your truth. If you can be open with someone it builds emotional intimacy with them.”
“Just be mindful to keep your conversations playful, and light, in the early stages of getting to know someone,” she added. “This signals to the woman you’re dating that you’re not that emotionally invested yet, until you get to know her better. By demonstrating to her that you also have high standards for the women you interact with, and that you haven’t chosen her yet, you do a lot to present yourself as a man who is self confident, and attractive.”
Trying to low key assert how wealthy they are. I went on a date with this guy one time who kept hinting at things he could afford and kept mentioning how lucky he was to have such a good salary. On top of that he didn’t ask me anything about myself. It just felt icky to be honest. I want to form a genuine connection dude.
Finally, we asked Hayley if men should be given the benefit of the doubt when they say these unappealing things, or if they should be taken as red flags that women should steer clear of. “A lot of men might make a misguided comment or two in the early stages of dating. Provided he hasn’t leapt over your personal boundaries, I would be empathetic to a little bit of humble bragging, or trying too hard on a first date,” Hayley says. “As he relaxes more, he may become more confident with you.”
“However, do be careful of any behaviors that could be love bombing,” she warns. “Love bombing is when a potential date, or a guy you’ve only known for a short period of time, tries to sweep you off your feet with elaborate gestures and gifts. Whilst this might feel romantic, remember that he hasn’t actually had time to get to know who you really are, and these sweet gestures could be a facade for his desire to control you.”
If you’d like to learn more dating advice or reach out to Hayley for help in your own love-life, be sure to visit her website right here!
Telling me any story where you slide in details about how some girl was flirting with you or otherwise wanted you “so bad”….
Doing something dangerous or reckless. You’re an adult! Please do not drive like a getaway driver or an F1 racer! I don’t want to die on the highway because you need to impress me with your driving skills! I’m not impressed – I’m terrified, angry, and (assuming I survive this) taking a Lyft home.
This goes for whatever other dumb s**t guys do that could result in loss of life or limb or catastrophic property damage.
That they read a book or watched a movie written/directed by a woman – and liked it! – so now they are an expert on women’s issues. Substitute in any marginalized group and it’s just as cringey.
B**ching about their Ex. Honey, No. You’re telling on yourself.
One-upping me. I sometimes do comedy and if they find out they tend to try to “tell me this one you can use on stage” and sweetheart your recycled Dad joke only gets a laugh when I’m telling my mates how sad you are.
Money. It’s really transparent and just unattractive to me in general when someone constantly talks about money.
The size of their p***s, the size of their bank account, the size of their house … the size of basically friggin’ anything.
Talking about fights he had gotten in. I once went on a date with a guy who brought up fights he had gotten in in the past at least 5 separate times, I felt like I was on a date with a high schooler but he was mid-20s.
Talking about themselves 24/7. Anything and everything. For crying out loud, ask a question.
Trying to talk to you about something you’re knowledgeable in and they are not but they spew this surface level b******t as if it should be impressive. They’re explaining to you/mansplaining your area of expertise. They don’t ask you more because they want to know more, they often quiz you ” wow, you actually know something” or the compliments are backhanded or patronizing (like that’s impressive for A GIRL)
Completely different than trying to relate/convey your mutual like of a subject. You don’t have to be on the same level to talk about a subject, but it comes with a tone that respects your thoughts also and isn’t abkut showmanship.
Cars. I prefer the reliable beater that screams “I’m paid off!” and “he’s financially sound!” Anything flashy or expensive and I’m not looking twice… especially if it’s a big truck.
Being “funny”. A natural sense of humor is very attractive but I’ve been on too many dates with guys who tried to awkwardly cram their tight five into casual conversation. You start to feel like a captive audience more than an active participate on the date and the non-stop riffing bulldozes any chance at a genuine connection.
Massive compliments although you barely know each other, without any actions what so ever. Talk is cheap. I’m not sold.
Any kind of uninvited intimate contact… like that time at the fitness park, I was throwing myself at the climbing wall on my 7th circuit, and out of nowhere, I felt hands on my a*s *helping* me over the wall and he actually had the balls to walk around the wall to offer to train me
Their car, fancy clothes, trying to show off their “knowledge” and “intellect” by mansplaining things to me and giving unsolicited advice, being too “generous” or as I’d like to call it “flippant with money”… basically anything showboaty. I do not want to eat at a tapas restaurant which will cost us $70 each for potatoes and sardines and cocktails PRE-COVID. Like dude we work in the same industry I know approx how much you earn. Leasing that $55k car just tells me that you 1) live with your parents and 2) are not saving as much money as I am with those spending habits.
Clearly I had a guy in mind lol.
Talking about partying and girls. Like “look at all the girls I’ve gotten!” Nothing makes me lose interest faster.
I went on a first date with a university professor who brought out his positive end-of-term eval scores. Spent a good 15 or so minutes reading some of them to me and explaining that he got first or second highest in his dept. before asking me to rate him on his first date skills.
I was enjoying a good buzz and couldn’t help but find it amusing. We also got into how his dad never gave him validation growing up
Not something specific, but I am not super impressed by general bragging – humble or otherwise. Being genuinely humble is much more impressive to me!
If they want to explain my feelings to me, when I haven’t asked for it, then it’s over lol
Talking about their ‘very sophisticated’ wine/liquor/beer/food standards, or any monologue that paints them as the arbiter of good taste or worthwhile interests/hobbies. Also, treating other people’s otherwise wholesome interests as stupid or basic or something.
Acting entitled to admiration for having a home, a car, and a job.
Like, congrats? You are an adult. Having basic adult responsibilities does not make you “successful.”
Giving one-sided detailed explanations of things, which I believe is supposed to show how knowledgeable or intelligent they are, but it just shows me they spend enough time alone to have lost basic social awareness and social skills, and probably spend quite a lot of time navel-gazing and thinking about social interaction theoretically, e.g.,”I will talk about this subject and then the conversation will be interesting”.
Bragging about how many followers they have on Instagram or how their friends are Instagram famous.
Shouting into the streets how much they’re into you. When I see it in movies now I shudder. Protip: they will shout into the streets that they hate you when you break up – and since they can’t regulate their emotions that is ~scary~.
Locker room-type talk. I’ve been out with dudes that didn’t know how to talk to a woman. I’m sure this sort of convo would impress their dude-bro friends, but not a woman. This mostly happened when I was younger.
S**t that impresses them. Since they don’t even try to think about the other person’s perspective
Putting down other men, although I am encountering that a lot less as I get older.
Bragging about the other girls you’re dating and what you’re doing with them.
Buying me flowers through instacart. I don’t want flowers a complete stranger picked out for me.
#Lose #Interest #Faster #Men #Impress #Women #Dont